I cannot open it....
It was impossible.....
Anyway even as a young man bush pilot i knew the eyes are the windows of the soul and sunglasses make everyone look silly and ugly as if they watched too much Miami Vice.... and ill because the natural cancer protection systems are fiddled with, and as for fiddling with your hair i have many photographic 'studies' on the subject of how genuinely sexy and beautiful naturally grey hair can be if you just bloody well leave it alone (and my 'studied' smile and their smiles are real...) never mind a few 'studies' on how even the ugly old thing so scowly who says...on her facebook.... she started Extinction Rebellion in my region.... but did nothing to bridge 4 small town as as i did as one miserable old thing who cannot work out her every other week can of hair dye has ruined our ruined river too....
fuck em all.... i have no need for even telling their stories even if i have amoral duty THE GREAT philosopher says..... especially if my chronicles are so wonderfully real and alive....
But, 'change' oh my what a hard word.... i mean age about 16 we knew this man was so absurdly formulaic and one dimensional and rather worrying....
And then just a few years ago on the radio four wireless arts program usually full of anodyne so bad art it is daft "Gazza and his...lass.... are back in action..."
I mean it wasn't even possible this so called maybeman would ever have a child never mind....
one day hug her on stage and ...
i am still thinking about....another daughter.....so hurt and lost and....who knows what and .....and someone else.... a lot..... and did she receive my 700 page fountain penned letter? written by candlelight but even then probably rubbish as i had so much on my ...mind....
That mattered.
And now free... of absolutely every conceivable distraction, and my last weekend ...unless....at a paradise jungle....
with superb acoustics you cannot beat 300 year old floors and walls even if they smell of damp and the blood spilt to pay for them.... centuries, the real story of these lands, even now...
My kitchen and stereos music listening place become for the last time on this last day when nothing ever ever happened...
When you so hated him and needed him killed back then...i mean there was only one artist worse than Plastic Bertrand.....
you turn, first to him.... for about the best dance around your kitchen song....ever..... which proves that anything and any change is possible always and....
i cannot open it.....
my special things boxes, so many i have "touch boxes" things that bring back the so deeply poignant philosophical moments in life.... well next to A N Other whom will always be first among equals, hers by far the most interesting... even if she would never of course know.
Never....
Until never became, i have no idea what the opposite of never should be, but ...something... will do...
Disco time !
if i can love Gazza as almost the voice of God.....I could have Plastique on full volume as i wander down the Aisle.... in a dream.....on.
But i cannot open it.... i really cannot....
until...
