I needed 'it'...
Rummage rummage move move....
A day or more.
" ohhh my... take me out and shoot me.. of course ..."
There is one box, the poignantest, that is aside, above, to be used maybe just one day for actually helping someone....
Showing her or them, the most poignant thing of all.... and how just maybe they could be helped - assisted, by seeing it. I ain't giving absolutely all away ...just yet. Never mind I forgot where it actually was. But when one is so daft-methodical, trust.... I said to myself a year ago "collect together in themes... themes even if one main one .... anything even passport or even all the notes i kept for her, four years nearly. I am always the same I am the lucky one, i knew what the themes were at least seven or eight years ago.... collect, arrange, and stick to plan A .... so of course the bloody paper was in that last box. To photograph certainly as I am a media tart whom never would wish any earthly media because I know there is a little more, so perhaps it is only for the ineffable....
But it reminds me once more. All their mindfulness in all the heavens and earth, cannot translate an actual 'being'... when you are the most organised person on this planet, and planet B too, yet these last few months from complete and utter crusade overload, and cause effects, when occasionally one does lose something quite important to ones future even though i know full well nothing is. When you do eventually find it having looked under every box and ...well i am very ascetic so there are few things to look under, but ever hiding place and in every bag of recycled material....
And after you do find 'it' a few days later when you knew it must be lost - maybe went to firelighting, wow.. that IS.. that 'be's a bloody good real enjoyable sensation. In the gut spleen or wherever? but it is the one real experience there is. And is rather pleasant.
