24 Nov 2021

And now to begin...

Though unfortunately for someone about to do an Apsley Cherry-Garaard, oooh that's a mouthful,  maybe...likely 

I have a tremendous amount on and what with 3 or 4 slightly stream of consciousness operations underway i have no in that meaningful way...or maybe i do.

As Rachel so beautifully shoved in your faces in her fable, oops wrong 'blog' that theme was started earlier today in the freedom to share one.... the default that we always share all stories if we think reasonable and have the time, share all tales; truths of Vogon injustice - against the LITTLE PEOPLE...(even though 99% aren't that little but when you have oppressive benefit and health systems that really really really dont like it if you tell them nicely what the ferkin law is, as the bottom 1/3 know, so true oppression is when those on them or on probation, or the like adopt some role - play the hurt small person, when get to know them and you see s strong person whom always has some truly great skill even if it is robbing cars or selling nasty drugs, or as i once encountered the sad lost man with various issues in an interesting place, but my oh my he could sketch in a  way that was so thrilling, despite his 'circumstances' and he made plenty of pin money selling portraitures upon Christmas cards to his fellow  refugees.... and then when the BBC turned up put on the cap to doff to them.... i have no comment on borders i do not believe in any, as long as the genuinely sad poor immigrant were actually told the truth of the promised land  they head to risking life limb and a dunking, or worse......  .... so yes Rachel jabbed it in your eyes but 99% or more are so blind they could never se how wait....

bide your time... oppressors will oppress, they cannot not unless some truly major shock and subsequent Wasteland they must abide, and maybe they will learn that empathy and compassion are not words some tragic little media studies graduate will bandy abound whenever they have the public 'ear'  in other words no one under about 45 should we pay too much attention to, despite them being addicted to that as they didn't get enough from mum and dad so busy being Madame Bovary...

As Rachel fabled my way " grace... be oppressed be it... but be awake also to notice when the oppressors do something that has some rather good fringe benefit....and indeed is the only reason i have the b'space' to apply myself to so long overdue bits and bobs..." 

So where do I begin?

Even if a few months ago I knew i must begin

Well i suppose there is the 'then' and the 'now'.

The then may look so pathetically inane

But i like only fables. 

Good ones. 

And also real journalism like Pilger and back before 'then'  - the 80s and 90s

I could never understand why he was never published, if at all, not widely in France

Probably Belgium and other low countries too.

Anyway i learned years ago there is only one thing that matters about anyone.

And that is the one thing they share with you or accidentally pass on that is so unique and wonderful, no one else can ever replace them, on that...

That is a highfalutin way of saying everyone no matter whom

gives you one gift. 

Be satisfied with that.

Even if one, apart from the correct answer to the Bertrand Question, also spoke so BELIEVEABLY (as in i believe absolutely no one maybe the last decade but those few sentences on failure i did believe  and they are lovely..) on failure.  They still keep me company to this day. No one else I ever encountered and upon encounter i do deep deep talk.... with a little Douglas Adams or even radio  2 Steve Wright (him the true king of) sardonese thrown in. Oh yes Narin O* she is the only comedian whom impresses me.... having dumped dreadful Stuart Lee and others this last year - he thinks he can be Pilger now he has an internet connection and time at home,  nope... you are either born a Pilger or not.

Occasionally some are enhanced by life events in their Pilgerness... 

But that is for another ... memoir, rant, slam poetry session over 1000s of webpages we shall see....

Anyway, so much it will take me months.  So be it. But it is good. Yes gifts everyone has at least one... just remember fondly the one... that's enough, all we need...

Me I am no zen master (as they are no good) but i even smile every time i put the lid on my little pan of heating up water on the stove as a women berated me what a tosspot I was ... a women i did love, but sadly due to childhood mess, and angst, and probably abuse, as Louis Malle so gorgeously gave us "damaged people are dangerous, they know they can survive.."  but not being a proper English intellectual even if they all  ran away crying so have nothing inteligent to say any more, he should have added some modern likelytrueism...  " and quite often they don't know they were damaged not they are surviving, by causing such Apocalyptic stuff  - i mean selling their souls  but then they know there is no 'devil' as they survived her... but watchit, they don't follow any 'rules'..."

SO where did i get to my favourite 'now' one is the poignant image of a pair of reading glasses...i am too conceited to always wear when i send a message...

That is a fact but also there is another fact connected with them. 

But lets go back. 

If you knew... the truth behind this image...

But that will be a tad obscure, or in a good movie one day depending on my writing skills and the 'leverage' that can be applied.

Here we get really poignant in a now way but the saddest picture ever is of course a journals that is not filled up

But that is not really in keeping with my corporate image. Either you are an immature person who would find that image so so so sad you would slit your wrists now (please put a tenner in my begging bowl first elsewhere ... if you know where elsewhere is and only one person does, i believe)  no one ever will but i sweat blood to get this far... and i do not lie. Ever.... which is what true evil acts and apocalyptic pain and misery are for... learnin yer no point....  there is only onesself. All lies are against the self... ultimately. As poor Pot woman one day will maybe discover  - i hope not for her sake....

Anyway the 'now.  - poorly written quick sketch the above para.... of something in time i shall develop.  Only for myself as I know every word and feeling and story and moment is true.... 

ooops dont know how that happened (confess man i still cannot get a sequence right so if you upload them left to right you need the last at the right mindfuckery...cannot concentrate entirely ...but that is me, not doing MY JOB Properly...but then in these images there are layers of distractions only Rachel K could understand....happened as they uploaded in the wrong order so i had to cut and paste them into the right and why a paste ends up left justification god only knows...even if i need to do layout later to please the 'aesthetes' do come back... it's not 'all' for anyone, but inspired only by the word of, one person...) 

So, yes.... the actual (why does the silly bugger start at centre justification after a picture  - ten plus years that error has been present..)

Go back five years. I have many a 'study'. On true art and beauty. 
But lets fast forward now. The true 'now' all the silly mindfulness sheep and shepherds - whatever female is for shepherd in frog.
I care. 
A lot as it became so boring 5ish years ago. Perfect example now-yesterday my one true great last 'hope' she does not 'get' it. Although that 'essay' was put far more authoritatively and she has seen the whites of my eyes looking  at her on a hilltop    trusting her not to tell my one great 'shame' even if decades ago, like age 16, when none of us are responsible for knowing what may be happening to us. 

Anyway i care. That all and i mean all of modern psychotherapy and therapy talk and general attitudes to the spirit and psychosoma, all has failed. All... 
And i know wiseish and open ones who try to keep up with the nosnsense and do a fine job, but they cannot of course accept that what they have been lulled into following like sheep on soma has done them so little good, or worse.... and Mrs Hill up it... she is so so intelligent and lovely...and nearly open....nope.... 
Anyway all i know if i needed a

compañero m (plural compañerosfeminine compañerafeminine plural compañeras)

I would (it sent it back to left justification now by itself.... oh well...)

look for one who can not complain when one else...he is so unobservant and he, no one else, does NOT NOTICE something that will cause his reading glasses only occasionally needed 5 years ago to read... to be broken by his failure to always be careful...

and (long story to fill in later about how absurd these aesthetic designer types are who have to create  anew set of frames every set of 5 minutes and upon returning to his truly adored optical woman is told cannot get your free NHS frames for we redesigned them to look more hipster and nerdy pathetic... )

can fix even a pair of glasses frames such that the fix lasts five years..... even if the fix was only possible if the broken hinge region was Araldited in the open position and stuck at right angles for ever (only ever use CLASSIC the thieves who sell modern aesthetically [pleasing new easy use tubes know that 25% is NOT possible to actually get out using their fancy absurd new mad design of an applicator...and are thieves.. because they know this..) 

But then.... talk about an unplannned journey and a half from time to time through Dante's Infoerno and worse ( when someone pretends they care you are in there and then ghosts your email asking for just a sandwich as the silly chap only has dilettante overcooked English food.. ).

To today

'NOW' Mister fuckin Tolle

All that matters is that one has the poise and grace to remember to take your occasional use rigidly angular glasses everywhere after all you never know when some lost love may reply to a message and you may have to try and have no typos...

And still, five years on, they have not been broken again, even

Which is what your Tolle should be ...for.... but i know for a fact it does not work. On any of them...ever. OK the 99% i have studied carefully.

But that is far too   negative and if i could ever be bothered to name  a name which under no circumstances am i ever about,  even if i have conducted a fair few unintentional 'studies' of the fraudulent very expensive mindfulness guriis... (f) if we were speaking French... I as a dedicated environmentalist light footprintist   going to give up as all fails as she beautifully said that day... and when it does accept...oui i know that.. 

SO that little series of 'now' images  - or rather yesterday, are post the poignant pics i have in a huge folder on my very very clean tidy 'desktop'... of the pc.. because there are so many other layers of ... other things than poignancy - perhaps she thinks i care she is nuts and a tyrant - i care about nothing

That is the purpose of the worst conceivable thing happening, so that you can say to someone you love "nothing you could ever ever do would or could ever hurt me.." But does anyone in this fucked up Facebook poisoned universe actually know that is a poetical beautiful truth even the dodgy Dante was too believing in his own silly melodrama to ever perceive . Never mind the absurd little runt sexist pig Shakespeare whos women characters always had things done to them...why they then often did dodgy stuff.... after the fact of male doings... 

Anyway, "you can never hurt me" 

 It means we are free...

To be something else. Next. 

Next unless i get sidetracked by so much truly sublime and gorgeous nothing, something from the actual  poignant folder. Soon.