21 Nov 2021

 go on ruin the 'poignant' .... in everything, if you 'notice' what is just maybe going on... that implies nutjobbiness, when the knowing is knowing no noetic nor hocus, nor any mere human bad translation can ever 'get' 'it'...

The ruination being write ANYthing when I am moving since 03:00 UTC like a hare running from the snipers in the hills ... (they were close last night i even have their booms recorded)...  a rare time  - like today all daytime, i cannot have poise and grace. 

Exactly i forget the best lines. No I took not one snap of her on our hillwalk. Some things are so ferkitty ferking  too impossibly sublime and All-of-Gabriel-Garcia-Marquez'-revolutionarily- powerful-cannon-in-one-day; or some weeks later, one hour. Not that it is my business what she does next.

But the 'mindful' living in the moment (i write whole long diatribe elsewhere in secret about how false a model that is...); a rural person, constant, always constant only change in me a decade  - of gorgeous shockfilled evolution but its not the shocks as Gurjjieff wrongly states,blessim, it is the periods in the wasteland of the arid desert afterwards.... alone...ideally no one will even call you back if you send your last text your last 10p of pay-as-you-go, stating I am hungry.... which is the definition of a desert at various useful 'levels'. 

But you do know in that desert. You can function just a little better in the sunshine, never mind it having many a useful quality, and you KNOW it will shine tomorrow (today) and have known that for days. But it doesn't....and thus "pivot" to.... what i was not going to 



So be it.